Remembering Mykayah

It was the longest labor I’ve ever had-by far. But it was 3 days of complete focus on this new babe that would soon join our family. Our first child after giving complete trust to God to grow our family to the size He desires. We had 4 beautiful little girls that I loved so much. None of them “planned”, but I was thrilled over each one. We had our “large family”. We thought we were “done”. That is until God grabbed a hold of our hearts and surrender was given to Him. Mykayah was to be that first child consecrated solely to Him before she even was. (By me, anyhow.)

3 days of labor. Listening to Keith Green music almost non-stop. I didn’t notice the length of time. Those around me surely did. I worshipped with Keith. They probably got tired of the repetition. My birth helpers and I decided I was no doubt fully dilated, but nothing was happening. It was time to be checked out. This was to be my first home birth. We’d be in regular contact with my Dr. and keeping a close watch, but it was not to be. It was God’s hand holding Mykayah in until we reached the hospital. We set out for the 36 mile ride in the beginning of a blizzard. A little uncomfortable for this post-transition mama, but we made it.

The ride must have jostled her more, as the Dr. words were, “I feel feet.” Here we go. Breech delivery with uterine exhaustion. Yet, I rejoice over the Dr. and hospital we had. At our local hospital I would have no doubt been knocked out and given a c-section. My Dr. gave me about 20 minutes to push her out, with that uterine exhaustion, before he’d schedule a C. And it would take a while for the anesthesiologist to get there in the blizzard. Push that baby out I did. Just as sure as He’d held her in, He brought her out.

Beautiful. Another girl. Mykayah (after the bold prophet who spoke truth) Joelle-Who is like Yahweh? Yahweh is God.

Then the cord was cut. No longer was her life physically connected permanently to mine. And it was immediately evident that she would struggle without that connection. She was placed in a tiny bed next to mine, not in my arms, and all focus turned to her. To life saving efforts.

Three hours later those efforts would fail. Congenital heart problem that couldn’t have been known ahead of time. Couldn’t have been prevented or helped. She was in God’s hands, yet my heart was as broken as my arms were empty. Well, not completely. I held that empty shell, that her spirit had left behind, all day. Our family all came. We wept instead of rejoiced.

Home without her. Funeral preparations. I didn’t even go to funerals. I had no idea what was suppose to be done. I did what I wanted. I was blessed with two pastors who allowed a grieving mama her way, to use death to proclaim life, with a clear presentation of the gospel and call to repentance and belief, along with much worship and praise of our Lord.

The days ahead. The empty nights. So much. Yet God’s peace passed all understanding. Still the empty arms ached. Father God, I’d really like a baby in my arms before her first birthday. Yet His peace passed all understanding.

And His grace blesses beyond our deepest hopes. 9 days before Mykayah’s first birthday, Amariah (Yahweh said) Faith was born.

Happy 21st Birthday, Mykayah- Nov. 6th. Happy 20th Birthday, Amariah – Oct. 29th. His peace still passes all understanding.

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One Response to Remembering Mykayah

  1. Chelsey says:

    Crying… and praising at the same time. With the loss of my little girl still fresh, this brings back hurt and pain, but also the love and grace of Jesus that help our hand through it!

    Thank you for linking up and sharing in the Koinonia Community!